Bad Hookups

We’ve all had the Mr/Mrs. Too-Much-Tongue, and the tongue gone M.I.A., so in this blog post I will be exploring the notion of a ‘good’ and a ‘bad’ kiss.

For me, the primary driver in hook ups is the amount of chemistry. To put it simply, if someone is grabbing your hips and biting your neck, there is a high chance they want to fuck you. 

According to my theory mentioned above, it’s safe to derive that a bad hookup = bad chemistry, and this is exactly what I believe. If you’re making out with someone simply for the sake of it, with no real passion, there is a high chance they will feel like a dead fish in your mouth. Fortunately, I haven’t had an unpleasant encounter and I think that’s primarily due to a relative level of attraction with my ‘hook-ups’. 

Furthermore, in my opinion, I believe that kisses divulge a great deal of information about a person’s character. I’ll discuss three people in this area.

Firstly, the ‘love’ kiss. This kiss is the type that comes from someone who loves you and is laced with passion. It holds you by the small of your back and pulls your closer. It caresses your face and tucks away whimsy strands of hair. It has a way of making you feeling secure and wanted. Unfortunately, it comes with supposition of mutual feelings.

Secondly, the ‘tender’ kiss. Similar to the kiss of love, it stems from a reasonably strong emotional connection. This is the 4 A.M. kiss. The forehead kiss, the cheek kiss, the soft kiss. It’s the peck, the soft rub of the lips, the trace of your back. Unlike ‘love’, it is the kiss with no expectations, it’s only motive is to give. 

Finally, the kiss of lust, commonly referred to as the ‘drunk hookup’. However, this term has severe negative connotations. This term implies a lack of satisfaction, but in my opinion this could be the best. It’s filled with neck biting, dirty dancing, and hip grabbing. The ‘lust’ kiss is born from passion and built sexual tension. However, when emotions get involved feelings tend to get hurt due to the ‘in the moment’ nature of this. 

Basically, problems start to stem when these overlap. When ‘lust’ mixes with ‘tenderness’ and ‘love’. The level of uncertainty associated with this combination causes emotional turmoil. Of course, nothing is ever ‘clean-cut’, but it is important to realise that in order to be satisfied these must be balanced in a measured manner, with particular leeway given to the kiss most associated with the nature of the relationship. As originally mentioned, the intensity of these levels is what causes chemistry and determines the ‘goodness’ of a hook-up. Basically, if the kiss is balanced correctly in regards to the relationship and the intensity of these levels is high, you have reached equilibrium and in effect, perfection. Of course, this doesn’t stop someone from shoving their tongue down your throat, but I believe in an overall perspective that these are the elements that compile together to create the perfect hookup.

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Round Two

This post is just a quick break from the series. I’m going to be discussing the importance of equality and understanding in a relationship, primarily based off my old relationship. This isn’t meant to be negative or ‘pointing the finger’ in any way.

Double standards. Our society is laced with them, so are our relationships. How can we avoid them? Well, we simply can’t. Everywhere you look they exist. The most obvious example would be the difference in treatment between women and men, which has been well covered in the media recently. What causes people to look at a man in his jocks and say “yes, he’s decent”, but as soon as a woman is in her underwear she is viewed as a sex symbol? No. Not good. However, I’m not here to discuss feminism in all it’s aspects, if I were we would be here for hours. No. Instead, I’m simply going to discuss the aspect of double-standards from the perspective of my old relationship.

This is what really pissed me off, and still continues to. Just as I think we’re about to be friends, and be totally fine with seeing other people, I remember painful things about our relationship. It’s safe to say that this makes me really fucking angry. The one thing that sticks out like a sore thumb is the double standards. Let me get this straight, it’s okay to probe around my life? But as soon as I ask you anything then suddenly it’s not up for discussion? What the fuck.
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Now, I’m not saying that I didn’t hold my own double standards, no. I know I’m a hypocrite, I’m merely saying it’s very frustrating and still annoys me, both in society and relationships.

The notion of trying also annoys me. Who is anyone to know when someone is actually trying? Anyone who is existing is trying, and assuming that no one who isn’t coming up with grand gestures isn’t, is plain naive.

The main point is that this is all in the past. It’s just plain ridiculous how out of sync someone can be with your feelings towards something. Perhaps it’s my fault, lack of communication and all that. The whole relationship just makes me frustrated. On a positive note, it’s more of a learning curve. Something to reflect on.