Fear

Noun: an unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain, or harm.
Adjective: be afraid of (someone or something) as likely to be dangerous, painful, or harmful.

Today, we will be exploring both definitions of ‘fear’. The majority of my discussion will centre around “fear of the unknown”. I will be exploring the positive and negative effects of fear on a relationship.

While finishing the last of Orange is the New Black today, a thought crossed my mind. Is fear essential in good relationships? Does it ‘keep things interesting’? Take Piper and Alex for example, their relationship is founded on lies, complications, and fear. However, they both keep ‘coming back for more’. Is it safe to conclude that uncertainty is a must in any interesting relationship? I will be exploring two types of fear stemming from uncertainty.

The first type I will be investigating is the fear of being alone. As I have said before, we all crave companionship. We crave love. We crave attention. It’s human nature, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Preferably, it should be accepted and encouraged in a reasonable sense, in order to moderate these needs. It’s perfectly normal to want someone there for you on both an emotional and sexual level, if not one perhaps multiple people. This is a primary example of being afraid of the unknown. With this fear, we are scared of what the future holds without the security of our significant other. In my opinion, this sort of fear pollutes relationships. It can cause self doubt, severe insecurity, and jealousy. 

Secondly, the fear of your significant other leaving you, either for someone else or other reasons. Similarly, this fear also involves being alone. However, in a much less ‘clingy’ manner. To me, this is important in any relationship. When we are faced with complete certainty we tend to put in less effort, and adopt an overly relaxed attitude. Our significant other will be with us through thick or thin, why bother, right? Effort is important, it maintains the passion, it keeps the intensity. Personally, I believe it is because of this certainty that long relationships tend to sour. Without this, we tend to under appreciate our partners, and undervalue them. No healthy relationship can be maintained without respect.

Ultimately, relationships are built on respect. As we begin to fear loneliness and ‘latch’ onto our partners, while ‘wishfully’ believing they will always be there for us, we are ruining relationships. We are severely undervaluing our partners. Fear is essential in any healthy relationship. I believe that the greater the level of fear, within reason, the greater he unpredictability, the rawness, the aggression, that all contributes to a heightened level of passion.

 

 

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Complications

The last twenty-four hours have been beyond eventful. An emotional roller coaster, you might call it. It has been filled with drama, deception, and romance. 

As I mentioned in my previous post, I am currently seeing one of my friends, someone that is also friends with my ex. Whether this makes me a horrible person, or not, I am not aware. For the sake of this post, I will refer to my ex as C, and the person I am seeing as A. 

I decided to tell C about A, simply because I didn’t feel the need to protect her feelings. After all, we aren’t together, why should it matter? Needless to say, this didn’t go very well, and understandably so. It’s frustrating in a sense, because the last thing I wanted was for things to become complicated with A. However, as expected, they did, and in a way it was sort of inevitable.

Now here’s the thing I’m pondering over. When does it become okay to be selfish, and not taken into account other people’s feelings and opinions? When are you allowed to live your life the way you want it, doing the things that make you happy? Well, from this last ordeal, I’m starting to think this point never comes. We will constantly be forced to consider other people’s feelings, most of the time before our own, whether consciously or not. Another question that baffles me, given that we weren’t going to let anyone influence us, would we be able to be completely happy? Or is happiness achieved through pleasing other’s around us, sometimes at our own sacrifice? I’ve reached the conclusion that this is purely subjective, and highly depends on the individual and the manner of their relationships. If they gain satisfaction by pleasing others, good for them. However, is this ‘true’ euphoria? I suppose we will never know.

Things are bitter between C and I, and I completely understand why. Perhaps this is how it was meant to work out. After all, being friends with your ex is difficult, and obviously hinders the process of moving forward. From my perspective, this might be the closure required in order to move on. Part of me is hurt that we will (most likely) never be anything remotely close to friends again, but the other half is saying that this is essential.