Noun: an unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain, or harm.
Adjective: be afraid of (someone or something) as likely to be dangerous, painful, or harmful.
Today, we will be exploring both definitions of ‘fear’. The majority of my discussion will centre around “fear of the unknown”. I will be exploring the positive and negative effects of fear on a relationship.
While finishing the last of Orange is the New Black today, a thought crossed my mind. Is fear essential in good relationships? Does it ‘keep things interesting’? Take Piper and Alex for example, their relationship is founded on lies, complications, and fear. However, they both keep ‘coming back for more’. Is it safe to conclude that uncertainty is a must in any interesting relationship? I will be exploring two types of fear stemming from uncertainty.
The first type I will be investigating is the fear of being alone. As I have said before, we all crave companionship. We crave love. We crave attention. It’s human nature, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Preferably, it should be accepted and encouraged in a reasonable sense, in order to moderate these needs. It’s perfectly normal to want someone there for you on both an emotional and sexual level, if not one perhaps multiple people. This is a primary example of being afraid of the unknown. With this fear, we are scared of what the future holds without the security of our significant other. In my opinion, this sort of fear pollutes relationships. It can cause self doubt, severe insecurity, and jealousy.
Secondly, the fear of your significant other leaving you, either for someone else or other reasons. Similarly, this fear also involves being alone. However, in a much less ‘clingy’ manner. To me, this is important in any relationship. When we are faced with complete certainty we tend to put in less effort, and adopt an overly relaxed attitude. Our significant other will be with us through thick or thin, why bother, right? Effort is important, it maintains the passion, it keeps the intensity. Personally, I believe it is because of this certainty that long relationships tend to sour. Without this, we tend to under appreciate our partners, and undervalue them. No healthy relationship can be maintained without respect.
Ultimately, relationships are built on respect. As we begin to fear loneliness and ‘latch’ onto our partners, while ‘wishfully’ believing they will always be there for us, we are ruining relationships. We are severely undervaluing our partners. Fear is essential in any healthy relationship. I believe that the greater the level of fear, within reason, the greater he unpredictability, the rawness, the aggression, that all contributes to a heightened level of passion.