INTERCOURSE

Part two in the series, time to get down to business! This post will be primarily directly at lesbian sex, however I will attempt to make some references to heterosexual intercourse, as well. I’ve decided to split this topic up into two posts, simply because its magnitude. I will cover compare and contrast the two different forms of sex from an emotional level in this post, and from a physical level in the next. Of course, I’m making generalizations based on my own opinions and these do not apply to every male or female.

Let’s start with lesbian sex, the one which I obviously favour more. The thing that really stands out to me would have to be the foreplay. if one thing girls are really good at, it is that. The back tracing, the neck kissing, the hand caressing; it all adds up to something. Even talking about sex seems to be far more erotic with girls. A discussion, with a friend, the other day, sparked by this topic lead me to reach an interesting conclusion.

The main difference between lesbian and heterosexual sex is the motives. With lesbian sex, it is all about mutual pleasure; in most cases you’re more interested in pleasing your partner, rather than your own sexual gratification. The same cannot be said about ‘straight’ sex. I think this is primarily due to the fact that boys climax/reach an orgasm far easier/quicker than males (once again, i am making generalisations). Due to this, it is far easier to focus on merely the males pleasure rather than both partners, causing a far less intimate, and ‘one-sided’ experience. 

As for the actual intercourse, it’s not that different. Of course, oral sex is more prominent in lesbian sex, and this is considered to be the easiest way for a woman to orgasm. However, this is not the only way. Lesbian sex is far more interested in the clit stimulation, but at the end of the day it really comes down to what you fancy, considering that orgasms can still be established from ‘penis-to-vagina’ contact as well. It also depends on how much attention is given to the woman, and her needs. This brings us back to our last point, sexual gratification is positively correlated with the attention given to both people’s needs. The emotional connection established through this mutual concern creates better sex overall.

Basically, this is what I’m trying to say; it doesn’t matter who you have sex with as long as the motives embody both partners. It is impossible to say that one type of sex is better, and it depends on the individual. However, if you are interested in the ‘nitty-gritty’ details stay tuned for next segment where I will be discussing the physical aspects in greater detail. Any general musings/suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

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THE ORGASM AFTER

So, after a break-up you’ve got a lot of firsts alone, right? By ‘alone’ I mean not with your significant other, well ex-significant other. There’s the first date, first sex, and most importantly, the first orgasm. Everyone always talks about the first two, but what about the orgasm? I’m going to take a quick break from the series to discuss this.

I’m yet to have the first date, but the orgasm has already happened, and it was fantastic! In a sense, I was worried about my post-relationship sex life. My previous partner was the only person I had ever had an orgasm with before, and I was concerned that it would take a lot of time before I could again. Fortunately, that was not the case.

The sex was incredible, and very unexpected. I will further elaborate my reasonings behind this in the sex series, but to put it simply it was just everything I really fucking like. It was sweet, it was heated, and it was really fucking passionate. There were cuddles, and it wasn’t awkward after. In fact, it was surprisingly normal. After the first time, I was tempted to say, “this should never happen again” but I really wanted it to, and I’m really glad it did. There was neck biting, hip grabbing, and not just one, but multiple orgasms. She was great.

SEX

As promised, I’m going to commence my two week segment on sex, mainly the essence of good sex, today. Before I begin, I would just like to say thank you to everyone to provided some feedback on my last post. Not only is it much appreciated, but I really enjoy hearing other people’s opinions and experiences.

Basically, over these two weeks I’m going to attempt to cover seven major topics. I will do my best to make this series applicable to both heterosexual and lesbian sex.

1. Connection
2. Intercourse Part 1
3. Intercourse Part 2
4. The Orgasm
5. Morning-After
6. Again?
7. Now What?

As you will notice, I have only devoted two segments to the actually ‘intercourse’ part, primarily because, for me, sex is far more than the actual act, and other elements must be taken into consideration. Let’s start with the connection, where it all begins.

Whether it’s a sexy stranger at a bar, or that friend you’ve always had a little crush on, we always from some sort of connection. There will always be some level of sexual attractiveness, even if we are having sex with them for the ‘wrong’ reasons (I use quotations marks because I do not personally believe there are any ‘wrong’ reasons for having sex with someone, too much pressure is enforced on this act. I mean is there a ‘wrong’ reason for eating? No. Sex is human nature. Eating is human nature. Having sex with someone simply because you are trying to get over someone else, or you’re merely having a shit day and would love nothing more than the company of a stranger, does not make it wrong or immoral, let’s keep that in mind.).

Now, I think in order to have good sex it all begins here, with the connection. The stronger your connection is, the better the sex will be, to put it bluntly. Let’s define this. For me, a strong connection is on both an emotional and physical level. In the emotional sense, it’s about being able to easily converse with someone, trust them, and of course, have fun with them. As for the physical side, it’s a lot easier, you just need to find them attractive. Now you’re probably wondering, how you could possibly establish all these emotional elements with a complete stranger? Well, think about it, talking isn’t that hard, right? Trusting someone you barely know might sound ridiculous, but they have never done anything to make you think otherwise, so why the hell not? Having a good time, sharing a laugh? That’s not the hardest thing either. In fact, all these things can be easily established with a perfect stranger, and as for a friend they would have already been formed a long time ago.

I’m merely focusing on the basics here, for the sake of this segment, we’re going to imagine this is just a ‘one-off’ event, and we’re not going to take into consideration any relationship-related aspects. It’s common knowledge that sleeping with someone you’ve met more than once is more likely to be better than a one night stand, and I’m going to agree with that. Even though all these ‘basic connections’ can be established with a stranger, they are not as strong, and as we previously stated, the stronger the connection, the better the sex. Essentially, what I’m trying to say is that it is very possible to have an amazing night of surfing-and-turfing with a complete stranger, but you are far more likely to have a better time with someone you feel close to. We crave attachment, we crave connection, we crave affection. It’s just who we are.

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OPEN RELATIONSHIPS

Firstly, let’s define this. In my opinion, an open relationship is merely a relationship in which the individual has one or more lovers (that they may or may not have sex with). It’d be impossible to discuss every form of polygamy, so for my own sanity we will be exploring the notion of couples who have sex with whoever they may please, but only ‘love’ each other. Now, this is a concept that really intrigues me. Can this actually work? Is it better than monogamous relationship? Or is it merely an ‘each to his own’ situation? I’ve already briefly touched on this (refer to the ‘Blurred Lines’ post) in relation to friendships and sex, but let’s go deeper.

Personally, I highly applaud anyone who can be content within a polygamous relationship. I think it takes a lot of self confidence, self assurance, and trust. Recent years have shown a development in the amount of ‘open’ relationships. The emergence of this new culture may pave the way for relationships in the future. The main aspect I find most interesting is jealousy. Does jealousy ever pollute the relationship? I think it would take a shitload of reassurance, and trust in the other person, to ensure this doesn’t happen. We’re humans, it’s in our nature to be possessive, we don’t like other’s ‘taking’ what is ours. How do we put these feelings aside and simply love the individual for who they are? I would like to know the answers to these questions, they could save us all a lot of heartache. Perhaps, polygamous relationships are really the best, after all you are loving an individual for them, and accepting all their quirks, which may include the desire to sleep with other people. 

It must take a lot of self-assurance to allow your ‘beau’ to have sex with others. If it was me, in that position, I would feel rejected and insufficient. So, really, anyone who has the ability to be carefree has won my respect. Good on you! I just have one important question, how do people in open relationships keep their feelings merely between each other? How do they prevent feelings sprouting for their sexual partners? Honestly, I have no idea, but if you are in an open relationship, I would absolutely love to hear from you.

Open relationships – the epitome of relationship evolution, where individuals have conditioned themselves to distinguish between sex and love. This is fantastic, it’s great, really. It develops a sense of self agency, and importance. Kudos.

Also, the sex with strangers (well not necessarily) part, how is that sex good? Does an emotional connection need to be established? Does sex with others ‘spice up’ sex with your primary partner? I will be discussing the elements of good sex in a two-week series starting tomorrow.

NEW BEGINNINGS

So, in previous posts I have briefly mentioned my ex-relationship, and now I think it’s time for a post completely dedicated to it. No promises, but this will most likely be the first and the last. I just think that in order to move on it is important to acknowledge the past and fully accept it. 

Let’s start with the negatives. The relationship was long past it’s expiration date. It was so fucking exhausting. There were so many expectations, to behave a certain way, to like certain things; I felt as though I lost myself along the way. Things that I had previously valued began to mean nothing to me. Friends became nothing, and my life became centred around this one person. It was exhausting. I think that was my biggest mistake; basing my happiness off someone else’s. As I have said before, I don’t think relationships are for me, and I’m not for them. This might sound crazy, but I value my own sense of agency. 

Now onto the positives. She did become my best friend, but let’s take into consideration that this was probably because I didn’t really have any other friends. Given that, I still felt uncomfortable talking about certain things because every response was generic, and I felt beyond misunderstood. Now that it’s over, and we’ve decided to remain friends, I’ve realised we don’t really have much of a connection. When it was in it’s prime, I mean like two years ago, it was fucking fantastic. Even our recent holiday together was excellent, and we got along so well. However, I feel as though as soon as we reached a certain level of intimacy it became unbearable. It’s almost as though we couldn’t be too close, simply because of all the shit we put each other through. Right now, it’s beyond weird, and I don’t know if I care or not. What I hate the most is the fact that we both have the same friends, like we’re just so fucking connected in each other’s lives. I’ve already made new friends this year, I think I’ve used my social-skills quota for the year. So. Fucking. Exhausting.

Apparently, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, so let’s give that a shot. Time to move, the fuck, on. 

BLURRED LINES

Relationships, friendships, friends with benefits. When does it all end? How does it all begin?

Let’s start with the most ‘simple’. Relationships. They’re easy right? It’s basically monogamous sex with two people that are satisfied with each other. However, people fail to mention the unrealistic expectations and pressures that are enforced within relationships, that could possibly cripple an individual. Following the Break-Up, I have realised how much I resent these. I don’t think relationships will ever be for me. Perhaps friends with benefits, but never a relationship. Never again. Not to say we didn’t have a good run, I just think if it didn’t work with her, there’s no way it would work with anyone else.

Now, onto the more interesting topic; friends, friends who have sex, and friends with benefits. When does it all end? When should boundaries be drawn? The idea of sex with no emotional attachment sounds ideal, right? Especially sex with someone you are comfortable with, who understands you, and knows virtually everything about you. Sure, that takes away some of the excitement of dating someone unknown, but it also provides a comforting familiarity. Sex with a friend can be surprisingly fulfilling. You’re literally sleeping with someone who gets you better than anyone else, someone you can talk to about anything. However, what happens when it all goes wrong? When jealousy takes over? When feelings that belong in relationships begin to evolve? Instead of thinking of ‘when’ all these things will happen, I think it’s more important to consider it as an ‘if’ situation. By remaining somewhat carefree, I believe these feelings can be avoided. Of course, this depends on the nature of the friendship and the individuals, but by remaining relaxed and not fussed over little details, sex can be successfully integrated into a good friendship without causing any destruction, or worse, a relationship. Basically, I think it is possible to have a friends with benefits relationship, given that both of you know exactly where you stand.

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GIRLS AND BOYS

Why are some boys so sweet, and others such assholes? Why are some girls so cute, and others such bitches? Why can they both be so fucking sexy sometimes?!

I’m not one for ‘labels’ but I think it’s somewhat important to define your sexuality. In my case, I’m 935% unsure. I’d like to think that I’m definitely a lesbian, with no exceptions what-so-ever, but then there are certain boys that are just so fucking adorable, and this really shits me (to put it bluntly). 

I’ve recently broken up with my girlfriend of close to three years, and that has been a bit of a shock to the system. Fortunately, we split amicably. She’s my best friend, and I would feel completely lost without her. However, it’s so fucking weird. I don’t even know where to begin. I just want to be constantly intoxicated for the next month. I just want to forget everything, and the awkwardness that comes along with it (no matter how hard you try, there will always be tension between ex’s). I think it’s time to move.